Episode 49 - La La Land

Damien Chazelle's 2016 musical "La La Land” follows an age-old tradition of blatantly making movies for the sole purpose of licking Hollywood's balls in order to win Oscars. It’s right on par with other transparently pandering piles of garbage like 2014’s “Birdman,” 2012’s “Argo” and 2011’s “The Artist.” The only way these filmmakers could have tried harder to win would have been to go door-to-door and give head to each and every member of the Academy. Only they and their therapists will ever know the truth.

Emma Stone plays Mia, an aspiring actress who is supposed to be incredibly good at what she does because she’s able to summon tears while holding a cell phone, but people just don’t see her alleged brilliance. Then, she meets a man who inspires her to write a one-woman show, which leads her to the stardom she always wanted, but their relationship ends because she has to go to Paris for a couple months.

Ryan Gosling plays Sebastian, an overly-nostalgic, jazz-obsessed lunatic with a stool fetish. When he’s not breaking out into song or tap dancing, he has to play humiliating gigs in order to support himself. After he finally lands a gig that both allows him to play with talented musicians and save money for his goal of one day opening his own jazz club, his girlfriend Mia immediately turns on him for being a sellout, and they break up.

Yes, this movie won six Oscars (well, seven, for a few minutes). 

Join us as we discuss what Jonathan Lipnicki would sound like if he were a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, how a movie theater usher was blinded by a Hot Tamale during a candy fight, and some better lyrics to the shitty songs on this soundtrack.

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This episode is sponsored by RelationshipRenaissance.