Episode 44 - The Goonies

Hey, you guys! We all loved Richard Donner’s 1985 adventure comedy, “The Goonies,” as kids, but do we really have to spend the rest of our lives pretending that it is a quality film? Sure, Jeff Cohen’s portrayal of Chunk is brilliant, but the rest of the movie smells like Phys Ed.

Oscar-nominated filmmaker Sean Astin plays Mikey, a greedy bracefaced dunce who leads his friends into enormous peril so that he can bail out his deadbeat parents who haven’t been making their mortgage payments.

Oscar-nominated actor Josh Brolin plays Brand, Mikey's workout-obsessed bandana-wearin’ older brother who doesn’t really do much in the film other than attract a girl who barely knows how to play the piano.

Jeff Cohen plays Chunk, a gentle soul who wanted nothing to do with this misguided quest and ultimately ends up saving everyone’s lives, including the bad guys, by using his undeniable charisma to befriend a Herculean behemoth.

Corey Feldman plays Mouth, an annoying narcissistic jerk who translates Spanish throughout the film for both good and evil.

Jonathan Ke Quan plays Data, a mediocre inventor whose zany gadgets are even less believable than the legend of One-Eyed Willy.

Kerri Green plays Andy, a cheerleader with dubious piano knowledge who spends half the movie screaming and the other half playing kissy-face.

Emmy Award-winning actress Martha Plimpton plays Stef, a ball-bustin’ friend of Andy’s who, along with Josh Brolin’s character, doesn’t really do anything throughout the film.

Oscar-nominated actress Anne Ramsey plays Mama Fratelli, the evil baby-dropping ringleader of the Fratelli gang.

Razzie Award-nominated actor Robert Davi plays Jake Fratelli, an opera-singing escaped convict who longs for his mama’s approval.

Emmy Award-winning actor Joe Pantoliano (aka Joey Pants) plays Francis Fratelli, a toupéed bumbling stooge who laughs like a hyena.

Two-time Super Bowl champion John Matuszak plays Sloth, a deformed and mistreated colossus who loves Errol Flynn movies, Baby Ruth bars, and Chunk.

Join us as Keating takes a bullet to save a slice of pizza and we remove a bowling ball from Ron Jeremy’s bunghole.

Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at mailbag@filmsnuff.com.

This episode is sponsored by BacheloretteDoppler.