Episode 114 - Varsity Blues

Get your potbelly pigs, concussions, and whipped cream bikinis ready, because we’re covering the 1999 after-school special "Varsity Blues," which tells the story of a jaded back-up quarterback at a small-town Texas high school who has to take over hero responsibilities when the star QB gets injured while also trying to take down their mean old coach.

This film predates the "Friday Night Lights" movie and subsequent TV show, but doesn’t predate the book, so clearly they were capitalizing on its popularity.

James Van Der Beek (Dawson Leery from "Dawson’s Creek") plays Jonathan Moxon, aka Mox, a not-credible movie genius who reads "Slaughterhouse-Five" a lot and therefore inexplicably gets a full-ride academic scholarship to Brown University for this.

The mean Coach Kilmer is played by Von Voigt, who thinks he’s actually in a good movie, because he’s trying to win another Oscar here.

Late actor Ron Lester plays fat-guy Billy Bob who is fighting constant concussions. Other late actor Paul Walker plays first-string quarterback Lance Harbor who gets injured, loses his future and is sad the whole time. Little person actor Scott Caan plays a fun-loving rapist teammate named Tweeder who shows the audience deep inside his anus.

Ali Larter plays Darcy, a supposed smart head cheerleader who is just trying to date whoever is the star quarterback so she can get out of this small town one day (rather than just go to college). Amy Smart plays Dawson’s quasi-goth bummer of a girlfriend who just spend the whole movie telling him he sucks for enjoying people liking him.

There’s also a weird stripper teacher incident, a zany little brother who may be a ghost and starts cults, and also a cameo by a very young Jesse Plemons.

Join us as we recall what a loud roommate Keating is, how creepy the Newbery Award looks, and as Jim remembers when he found out one of his former older lady coworkers secretly moonlighted as an escort.

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This episode is sponsored by AXE Body Spray PPEs.